When Residents Are Comedians
- Apr 04, 2018
“I wish you had elevators because I was dumb enough to get an apartment on the third floor after having knee and back surgery. I just don’t bother buying groceries anymore, but, hey, it’s my own fault.” —Denver
“Thank you for telling us our cat has the best name ever! Not even joking when I say that is why we decided to lease here rather than across the street.” —Lakeland, Fla.
“I know it can’t be helped, but if you live downstairs, you can hear every step the neighbors take. It’s a nightmare if they remain active at all hours of the night. Ambien can only help so much.” —Midland, Texas
“If there was better gym equipment available, like a professional squat rack and leg lift, I could get my summer bod and never have to leave the building!” —Hollywood, Calif.
“There’s a real sense of community for both two- and four-legged friends. I think our dog has made more new friends than we have.” —Minneapolis
“The one complaint with the car parking is most spaces are quite tight, even with a smaller-sized vehicle. Yes, there may have been an ‘incident’ between my car and a pillar shortly after we moved in, but it wasn’t my fault!” —Bethesda, Md.
“The only idea I’ve ever come up with is that it would be incredible to have a little onsite store with some household items (toilet paper, milk, etc.) so residents didn’t have to drive or walk a mile. Can you imagine how great it would be to grab some snacks or milk in your slippers?” Austin, Texas
“Can we please get some fire alarms that don’t go off when someone farts?” —Los Angeles
“I adore the management office. Once, I dropped a pan behind my oven and couldn’t reach it. I called the office for help and a few hours later someone got it for me! It was such a silly request, but they handled it so quickly and professionally anyway!” —Silver Spring, Md.
“The leasing agent was a fantastic sales person! She just about had me ready to sign my life away. Luckily, I came back to reality and did the responsible thing and stayed within my budget. The apartment was just a couple hundred over my budget, which I need for drinking and gambling.” —Austin, Texas
“If there is any feature of this apartment that makes me scream, it is those darn vertical blinds. If you have kids, just forget it. I can’t tell you the number of times I found my kids trying to swing on the blinds like they were George of the Jungle.” —Boulder, Colo.
“The community is one of the best places next to heaven. When I die, I don’t want to go to heaven. I want to live forever in my apartment.” —Duluth, Ga.
“Scratch-resistant paint might be a good idea. Between my dog and child, the walls look like a Tasmanian devil tore through the unit.” —Stamford, Conn.
“You paying my rent is the only way this could be better for me!” —Atlanta