Why So Serious?

Living in an apartment community is no laughing matter. Or is it? This month, in honor of April Fool’s Day, we paired up with Kingsley Associates to find out what they joke about.

“A soft ice cream machine improves everything everywhere. [Editor’s note: So true!] I also ask for this on our annual work surveys. One day it may pay off!” —Denver

“Our leasing agent is awesome, but only on days that end with y.” —Colorado Springs, Colo.

“Can we get some room service? Haha, totally kidding. This place is great as is.” —Chandler, Ariz.

“Do not make me pay for garbage service I’ll never use. When I become too lazy to take the garbage out, please shoot me.” —Beaverton, Ore.

“I believe in rationing one’s good looks. I enjoy the gym, but sometimes my workouts consist of just drinking protein shakes while watching Wheel of Fortune and spray tanning.” —Fort Lauderdale, Fla.

“I have a ghost in my apartment. You could remove the ghost. Please remove the ghost.” —Flanders, N.J.

“I have raised this issue with the management team already, but I would like to know if there has been any progress made with the four-man band.” —Chicago

“I have two words for you: Hot. Tub.” —Seattle

“I saw this in humor and a tiny glimmer of hope—can you decrease the lease rates?” —Aliso Viejo, Calif.

“If I want to hear my neighbors’ cooking alarm go off every time they cook, I would invite myself over for dinner and help them fan the alarm.” —Wilmington, N.C.

“It’s time to get modern air conditioners. The current ones are a little louder than a Static X concert, but a little quieter than a jet taking off.” —Atlanta

“Our leasing agent had me ready to sign my life away! But I had to do the responsible thing and stay within my budget. The unit was just a couple hundred out of that, which I need for drinking and gambling.” —Austin, Texas

“Package reception is a joke. I’ve had several packages lost, only to find them in the laundry room days later. Why are packages in the laundry room?” —Chicago

“Please make valet trash optional. I don’t like how the trash bins are always out in the hall. It looks trashy (pun intended).” —Scottsdale, Ariz.

“Sometimes I visit the community gym. Although, I don’t want to lift too much because I don’t want to become too ripped, so I sometimes just lift one dumbbell one time to prevent oversexifying my body.” —Fort Lauderdale, Fla.

“Thanks for helping me get my hot water working again. Taking a cold shower before a hot date isn’t always the best move!” —Lombard, Ill.

“With the landscaping renovations, there are a lot of plastic sheets hanging in the trees in the center median. It looks like the complex was TP’d with plastic wrap!” —Columbus, Ohio

“Would like to be notified about any of the following: murders, rapes, ghosts, alien abductions, free beer and or/chicken wings, boil orders and Elvis sightings.” —Southaven, Miss.

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